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Bonzai (Bondi) Beach!

January 13, 2011

Today we got our skivvies on and headed to Bondi (Bond-eye) Beach.  A short cab ride thru the city under the tunnel and we were there.

With our arrival came some clouds and sprinkles, so we headed up to the famous Bondi Iceburg Club for a snack and drink.  It is one of the oldest and most successful swim clubs in the world.  For you that love the tabloid trash, this is where all the starlets and wannabe’s like us go.  Check out the view in the picture above.

At sea level, the surf crashes into the actual clubs pool water.  Most members are older, and in order to keep your exclusive membership current, you must swim 3 out of 4 Sunday’s during the winter months.  Lately, the older members have been complaining about this policy, because they need to save another Sunday for denture cleaning and adult diaper folding, I guess.  But this place was fun and the food was excellent.

I tried a new beer there called Rech’s.  Here is the tap handle.  It had a little more color and oomph to it with less bitterness…but the tap art said it all…tell me a real beach bum doesn’t want to order one of these!

Avert Your Eyes

The weather cleared up and we headed down to the beach.  We set up our area and I went to check the water.  I winced at the cold tinge on my toes and ran high stepping away like a little girl who had seen a snake.  Not my proudest moment.  Then I saw a swimmer emerge from the water, so I approached him for a little conversation.

He was a tall man.  Very, very tall.  Aussies love their speedos.   And as I got closer, I realized I was about eye level with his banana hammock.  I thought this was very un-gay however and struck up a conversation with the wet dude.

No comment.

He was from Brisbane, and if you have been watching the news lately, that area is under major flood damage.  He told me the story of his two level apartment, and how the first day, the water in the river was so high, they had to release the dams or suffer complete dam loss.  The water rose 2 feet every hour.  By the next day, his first level was under water and he rushed to high ground with his friends.  The damage was done, so he hopped a flight to Sydney that morning and was on the beach this afternoon.  I wished him good luck on the recovery, and averting my eyes from the obvious nether regions, I ended the conversation with a quote from George Castanza and jokingly said:  “it was cold in the pool!”

He did not get my reference.

Asian Invasion

I have titled this blah/blog Bonzai Beach for a reason.  A cruise ship from Asia docked this morning and the entire Asian world population exited the boat and walked to Bondi Beach.  They all had matching shirts and the tour leaders had signs like A23 and B14.  They were walking around trying to corral all their groups screaming out the numbers and it sounded like a bingo hall.  Problem was…the Asians love to take pictures and snapping shots, so no one was listening to their guides.  Picture, video…snap, shot…repeat.   I could honestly here Kodak’s stock value soaring over the surf.  Then Nikki got involved.

She asked a large group, I think it was the entire Honda family three generations deep, if they wanted her to take a group picture.  Knowing that the cruise ship tour leaders probably told them “don’t ever loan your camera to the white devil, they will run off with it.” The main photo guy turned the tables on Nikki and took our picture.  Then, the men moved me out of the way and borrowed Nikki, for a really long time.  Picture after picture with my wife, smiling, squatting like sumos, doing the Happy Days Fonzie thumbs up…and with every picture you would hear “1, 2, 3…HI Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeze.”

"now everyone, thumbs up with the cute white woman...thumbs up I said! HI-Cheeeeeeeeeeeeze.

I sat down on the sand and took a look at the situation.  It reminded me of Nikki coddling over the Koala’s and getting her picture with the fur balls.  Then I realized what was going on.  Nikki had become a Caucasian human version of the Koala to the Japanese on this beach.  Heck, even Grandfather Honda was close to hiking Nikki up on his lap for facebook page pictures.  Nikki was their Koala.   Hi-Cheeeeeeeeeeze.

Flash Mob

We took a walk to the southern end of the crescent moon beach.  There were some locals there who let their dogs run.  One dog however ruled the roost.  Flash was his name.  A four year old English Stoddard.  This area of the beach was all rock and cliff and Flash would run with no fear and fall into holes and crevasses only to jump up and bite at the surf foam.

"sick balls, chopper!"

Flash’s dad was an Englishman.  A carpenter by trade.  And judging by his glassy eyes, rambling speech and wide grin, he had not been swinging a hammer on this day.  He was very friendly gent, who had just returned from holiday in the States.  I never did catch his name, so we will call him Idaho, and here is why.

Flash’s Dad- “where you from, mate?”

Nikki- “Ohio”

FD- “do you get much snow in Idaho?”

Nikki- “yes, right now we have snow in Ohio”  Geoff- “it is about -5 degrees Celsius in Ohio, right now”

FD-“I hate snow, is Idaho near Las Vegas?”

Geoff- “you mentioned you were a carpenter, we have something in common, I am a painter’

FD-“Flash get outta that hole!..yeah, us carpenters hate painters, how far is it from Idaho to Las Vegas?”

Around The Bend (Beck)

Nikki and I continued around the rock cliff bend and found a little spot used by fisherman and love sick teenagers.  Hence, the reason for the sofa hidden in the rock wall.  We got a couple cool pics to share with you.

Don't Look Back.

if you look really close, lower left corner, you will see a miniature version of geoff and nikki

As the afternoon sun paused over Bondi Beach, we found a little surfer taco shack to hole up in for some Corona’s and scoobie snacks.   We watched the sun set perched from our wooden bar bench.  It had been a good day.  I reflected on the events and people we had encountered.  I wondered if the girls were in deep thought also.  I glanced down our bar top to steal a glimpse of what they might be thinking or dreaming of…  Only to see them oodling some Aussie hard body at the beach circuit training gym.  Giggling and pointing, I knew I had been forgotten and would need to do some push ups tomorrow.

Beautiful Sunset...which the girls missed. 🙂

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