Honeymooners In Flight!
Our flight to Sydney, Australia will depart at 2:05pm on Dec 27. I wonder if we will run into Santa on his way to vacation? If so, I am going to slap that red nosed reindeer of his as punishment for forgetting my easy bake oven that I asked for when I was 30 years old.
Preparing your soul for over 28 hours of in-flight time is not easy. This is not a jaunt, or a skip. This is almost an entire day in a metal tube, filled with what I like to call “in-fucktions”. That is the constant hacking, sneezing and wheezing from 3 rows back. Or the guy that just picked his ass and tapped my shoulder to ask me for a “extra blanky”. No amount of Airborn can solve this dilemma, I don’t care if the packaging does say “teacher made!…it has herbs in it and doctors from Zimbabwe approve it”.
For travelers sake, we are even crossing the international date line…which adds a day to our flight time, imagine that, leaving on the 27th and landing on the 29th, can you think of a better definition of insanity?..no longer is the song cute…”cuz I am leavingggggg, on a jet plane”. 🙂
When I get in a claustrophobic bind, I like to make Checklists, they are so comfortable and assuring, so here is my full day of metal tube hell Checklist…xanax, money for adult beverages after my plastic flask gets confiscated at the grope down in security, movies, magazines, neck pillow, newlywed honeymooner ear corks…also known as “noise canceling headphones”…dentist bib to catch my drug induced drool. Finally, eye shades. Which I never, ever wear in case the shit goes down on a plane. I want to be ready to pounce.
If I survive this flight, then my true next vacation blog will be from outside of The States and I promise, will be much chippier. Or maybe, with an internet connection, it could be at 30,000 feet, trapped in a tin tube, and you loyal reader will feel the wrath. Hack, Sneeze, Wheeze. Below is a map of our flight pattern, all twenty eight hours of it.
Stay tuned for updates as we prepare for our Honeymoon Trip!